


Where I once Called Home

by danvssomethingorother



Category: Guardians of the Galaxy (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Be warned of copious amounts of Ego and Thanos comparisons, Depression, I Don't Know How Long This Will Be, I got out of hand, Infinity War spoilers, Multi, Peter Quill angst, Thor and Peter and Nebula will become friends, a very cathartic fic for the author, but I do know it will get sad, cause I wanted to make something sad, grief and mourning, space buds stick together during trying times, this was gonna be a one shot but damn it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-09
Updated: 2018-07-09
Packaged: 2019-06-08 00:06:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,125
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15231015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/danvssomethingorother/pseuds/danvssomethingorother
Summary: Summary: Home wasn’t a place but a feeling of being wanted and accepted, a special place in Peter’s heart he was no longer alone. It was with his friends. With one punch, he had thrown that all away.Or my AU where Peter Quill is the sole survivor instead of Rocket.





	Where I once Called Home

**Author's Note:**

> This is a strange fic for me. 
> 
> I have been seeing a lot of Quill hate since Infinity War came out and its like I just have a lot of pent up emotions I threw in a fanfic. I went so over board in angst in just the first scene so I was like lighten it up with Nebula and Quill bonding and Thor coming into the mix and becoming friends with them that this eventually became a chapter fic and here I am. 
> 
> Please enjoy. I will be updating the tags after every chapter cause this fic is gonna get a little dark. Thank you dear readers for stopping by. I hope you enjoy

Home wasn’t a place but a feeling of being wanted and accepted, a special place in Peter’s heart he was no longer alone. It was with his friends. It was snuggled next to Gamora and whispering about everything important in the cosmos and nothing at all well into the morning, not sleeping the entire night. It was finally getting Gamora to dance with him, slowly but surely making her a dancer too. It was playing video games with Groot and still singing him to sleep at night, sneaking a good night kiss to a very annoyed teen. It was trying out Rocket’s newest invention and helping him pick up the pieces while holding back laughter when they blew up. It was laughing hard with Drax over the weirdest things and ducking his punches in the training area. It was sitting quietly with Mantis and letting their emotions pass through each other getting everything off their minds about the pain they still held from their pasts without saying a word, letting the music flow through the head sets they shared and allowing her empathic abilities work their magic.

With one punch, he had thrown that all away.

The Milano was silent and still, once upon a time he had wished for this, just wanted them to stop fighting so he could sleep. Today, he couldn’t find that sleep, he sat in the pilot’s seat, nowhere to hide from the angry voices still screaming in his head. Stark was right, Nebula was right, he was the only one to blame for the pain swelling in his chest that the alcohol couldn’t numb.

He did this.

Yondu always said his damn impulsive behavior was gonna screw him over one day but Peter always did like to prove Yondu wrong, his behavior didn’t just cost him, it cost half the galaxy and his friends, his family, leaving him alone.

Some guardian of the galaxy he turned out to be. 

In a cruel twist of fate, he was back on Terra for the first time in thirty damn years but only after he had lost everything.

He was home, he should be happy, but this wasn’t his home.

He glanced to the seat beside his own and closed his eyes and imagined Rocket there, his co pilot (pilot he always snarled back Quill’s way). He glanced to every seat imagining each of his friends still here, still with him, not dead, not gone and none of it was his own fault. 

He had been here too many times before. Forced to sit in reality and face the tragedy before him but his mind unable to accept it for how it was so he just stared off into the void and just brushed it aside. They weren’t dead, he had left as he always left. He left his mother when she needed him, he always found somewhere to run and hide from Yondu, even when he really needed him and he left his friends, the most precious things in his life when he needed them. 

Left them alone to go find glory somewhere else, just like he had imagined himself doing when he first met them all those years ago.

Every time he came close to accepting the reality of it all, he just fell away from those truths and hid back in his comfort zones, hid behind his music and his make believe world where everything was ok.

But it wasn’t.

Peter slumped hard against his chair and just stared off at the lights from New York shining in the distance from where he was parked near the Stark compound. He would have to decide eventually where he was going to go from here but he didn’t have the strength now. He popped his headsets back in and starred at Gamora’s knife he had found in his room and hadn’t been able to put down in days, holding it close to him as he fell into an uneasy sleep.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_Peter._

Someone was calling his name in the darkness, he turned his head trying to get a better view but everything around him was disoriented making him feel nausea as he stumbled through Titan’s barren decaying landscape that was slowly trickling into dust around him.

He opened his mouth to answer the voice calling his name but it was too tiring so he kept walking through the landscape disappearing into the void of darkness around him with each step. 

_Quill._

“Gamora?” he whispered to the nothing, shaking his head to get some of the grey dust out of his hair. He groaned in annoyance swiping hard at his face as the dust blew into his eyes.

_Wake up._

“I am awake,” he grumbled back in confusion continuing to walk forward. He felt something wet touch against his skin, cleaning away some of the soot clinging to his skin now. He raised his head up and saw a trail of bubbles lighting up the darkness that now surrounded him. He hit one with his finger popping it and frowned at the garbled whisper that came from it. 

“Gamora?” he called again, the garbled words had to be her. His heart began beating frantically, she was close by he knew it. He took off in a sprint through the sea of bubbles, popping frantically as he ran, tears streaming down his face smudging the soot, his sweat making it run in his eyes once more nearly blinding him. He didn’t care though, she was close. He would know her voice anywhere popping in his ears.

Peter, the bubble popped against his ear making him pause standing in the sea of bubbles. The rainbow of color blinding him as the bubbles began glowing brighter making him wince and duck his head down and cover his ears, dropping to his knees at the deafening scream of his name as the bubbles all popped around him.

Groaning, he squinted through the complete darkness around him. His heart stopped as he saw her, she was shrouded with darkness but there was no mistaking her. He was running before he knew it, running towards her. Breath coming out hard as he ran faster.

It was Gamora. He found her. She was here. He reached out for her but no matter how fast he ran, he couldn’t get closer to her. Her silhouette kept stretching farther and farther from him, her back still turned to him no matter how loudly he screamed her name.

Just as he caught up to her and rested his hand on her shoulder, she burst into bubbles. He screamed just as loud at the bubbles burst into a shattering pop. He hit the ground , clinging to his hair, yanking at it as the words ‘You were too late’ whistled past him. 

Through his tears he saw Mantis and Drax clearly through the darkness looking towards him, worried. Mantis bent down beside him, resting her hand gently on his shoulder and Drax mimicked her action, making it clear they were here for him.

“Peter, its ok,” Mantis whispered brushing away his tears and smudging the soot more on his face.

“Wake up, Quill, you have better things to do,” Drax said firmly making Peter smile and reach towards them, locking his arms tightly around both of their necks and squeezing tight. Up ahead of them he could see Rocket and Groot in the distance, faint silhouettes as Gamora had been. He beckoned his hand for them, wanting them near him as well. He wasn’t letting go of his friends, he never would again if he could.

“I am awake,” he chocked out between sobs, a relief washing through him just being near them. It must have been Mantis’s empathic abilities. He wasn’t letting go he vowed but he just wished Rocket and Groot would get over here, he needed to have them close as well. He wouldn’t let them die like he did to poor Gamora… like he did to Yondu and even his own mother by his mere existence.

“I love you guys,” he whispered kissing the side of Mantis’s head making her smile and doing the same to Drax, something he didn’t normally do, making the man grunt but he smiled none the less. He wasn’t going to let go. Never. Never again. 

He didn’t like that Rocket and Groot were so far away from their family, he didn’t like they weren’t close by. He was their leader, he needed to protect them. He needed to be there for them.

He opened his mouth to call for them, maybe insult Rocket, that would get him over here fast. The words never left his mouth. He stretched out farther, keeping his arms wrapped awkwardly around Mantis and Drax.

His fingers were stretching towards Rocket and Groot when he heard the snap. It wasn’t loud but in the quiet, comforting atmosphere, it was like a gun shot firing. He stared in horror as his friends began to dissolve in his arms, their faces just as horrified as his own.

“Quill?” Drax asked staring at him for guidance or reassurance that never came.

“Peter…” Mantis begged placing her dissolving hand pleadingly on his shoulder. He latched onto it and grabbed onto Drax as they exploded in front of him, firmly coating him in a fine layer of ash.

He let out an anguished yell, scrambling around trying to collect his friends, just off the horizon, Rocket and Groot were gone as well making him cry out louder. 

He heard ‘ _Brandy_ ’ wafting through the air and he pounded his fist against the ground, crunching his friends tight in his fists.

“You did it, son,” he froze hearing Ego’s voice. He glanced up to find ego standing in front of him, a large smile on his face that was cracked and glowing blue illuminating the darkness around him.

“I knew you had it you, you had so much potential to help me.”

“No…” Peter moaned trying to ignore his presence, just trying to collect his friends. He needed to collect them. He couldn’t leave them here.

“It wasn’t exactly the expansion I had in mind but it’s a start. You did so good letting Thanos start this. Letting him kill Gamora. Now all you have to do is work towards finishing what he started. Finish my work son. ”

“I’m nothing like you!” Peter screamed jumping up and punching his father, he recoiled back hard when for a brief second his father’s smug smile became Thanos’s.

“But you are, a regular chip off the old block as your mother would say,” Ego chuckled touching Peter’s face almost fondly, Peter tripped over the stretching piles of ash trying to get away from him, landing hard in a pile that splashed up before raining down on him. He heard crying around him, someone begging him they didn’t want to go, they didn’t want to die. It sounded like that boy…that spider boy…

“You helped Thanos kill them people with your selfish behavior,” Ego said wisely turning a sadistic smile Peter’s way, “You didn’t want to help me, son but you did. You started my work getting rid of half the galaxy but there is much more work to be done.”

He felt something begin coiling around his arms and began to panic seeing the familiar blue glow of Ego’s light tentacles wrapping around his arms pulling him underneath the ground.

He opened his eyes finding himself once more in Ego’s palace, ash raining around him, coating every inch of him in a thick dark substance.

He tripped over his own feet in an attempt to escape this place, hitting the ground hard, Ego not moving just smiling towards him with that affectionate smile that made his stomach twist in knots. He felt his friends remains in his fists still and curled his fists tighter trying to keep them from mixing in the ash slowly burying him.

_WAKE UP._

“I am awake,” he sobbed out curling into a tighter ball, tightening his fist around what was left of his friends, their fragments slipping through his fingers and mixing in with the remains of the millions of other people around him.

Ego crouched next to him humming _Brandy_ and resting his fingers in his hair in mock comfort, gently shaking away some of the ash that continued to fall.

“You may not like it now, but it will grow on ya,” he said laugh, “Being like me, who you have always been. You finally found eternity, being alone is just a small price.”

This was his reality, he lost everything, and he was his father or at least slowly becoming him. He had destroyed the galaxy he tried so hard to protect.

**Author's Note:**

> I am so sorry for this self indulgent fic. I am not even at the worst thing that happens yet. if you like this leave me a review and I will love you for life <3


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